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I love figuring something out or understanding something. While this post may seem depressing, it helped me see that hurt people hurt people and I stopped taking the negativity personally on social media. Obviously the answer to this question is “no.” All dog lovers don't have anxiety of depression. The point of this post is to ponder why animal lovers have trouble getting along despite having one huge thing in common – our love of animals.
Next week will mark six years since we lost our heart dog, Blue, to a car accident. He got out of the yard and was hit by a car because he ran across the road to see a pair of deer.
Six years ago, I was at rock bottom. I was mourning the loss of my heart dog. I had hit the wall in many of the important relationships in my life (boyfriend, In-Laws, mom, dad, work colleagues), and I was miserable.
I had started therapy a few months before after finally accepting that “it's me, not them,” and my therapist diagnosed me with anxiety that can lead to severe depression and suicidal thoughts if left unchecked – layman's words.
Anxiety and Depression
So what does it mean for my anxiety to be “left unchecked?”
It means that I spend all day every day second guessing myself, reading too much into things people said, didn't say, or posted on social media. At my day job, every time people went into a meeting, I wondered if I was going to be fired, #ParanoidMuch. I kept waiting for my boyfriend to dump me. And I was convinced that the friends I had would walk away as soon as they got to know the “real me.”
Ridiculous, right?
It's a wonder I got anything else done.
But I know that I'm not alone.
What is Depression? What is Anxiety?
According to Google, depression is “a mental health disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life.” Google defines anxiety as “a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.”
While many people are diagnosed with depression and anxiety that they struggle with for their entire life, others can experience a brief episode of depression that may last a few weeks to a few months. In my reading, I've learned that depression and anxiety can be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, unhealthy living, or something as simple as profound loneliness.
We live in a time when we are disconnected from people – I don't speak to my mother or her family. I barely speak to my father's family. My boyfriend's family and my friends have become my family, my tribe, which I believe has helped me keep my depression under control somewhat, but others don't have a tribe.
Anyway, I'm rambling.
Second Guessing Leads to Anxiety
“I really truly hope your status is not about me.”
~ a text message I received from a former friend.
Have you ever seen someone post a vague statement on Facebook and been tempted to email them because you were convinced it was about you? Have you ever gotten stressed and offended because someone disagreed with you on social media? Have you ever felt judged and attacked when someone offered unsolicited advice? Have you ever been tempted to email someone months after a “slight” because you needed closure?
All of this is me – every single day.
I'm much better than I used to be because I no longer react, obsess, and stress over these things. But the triggers are still there, along with the temptation to react and respond. Thanks to years of therapy, I've learned to take a beat before reacting. I respond respectfully instead of lashing out. And I walk away from social media when it all becomes too much.
I've learned to own my emotions, allow myself to feel frustration, anger, sadness, and disappointment, and then I hug one of the dogs (or all of them) and move on.
Is it Our Anxiety, or is Social Media to Blame?
People being rude, aggressive, and overly sensitive on Facebook is old news that keeps coming up week after week. When I was an Admin of a raw feeding group, I saw meltdowns, received frustrated emails, and banned and blocked people weekly. Why do we see such drama? Why can't people get along with each other?
At first, I thought it was ego. Everyone wants to be right; no one can stand being wrong. There can only be one Queen Bee. But maybe that's not it. Maybe we're dealing with a community filled with people who have anxiety. At my worst, I was a problem on social media and in real life.
- I couldn't see when my behavior was destructive, rude, or aggressive.
- I would create the story behind someone's comment and then react to my story instead of seeking the truth.
- If someone disagreed with me, I felt attacked and judged; I'd call them a bully, crazy, and a psycho.
- If someone didn't respond how I wanted or in the time I needed, I took it personally.
- I would give unsolicited advice without knowing all the facts of the situation.
- I allowed others to influence how I felt about someone, always choosing to believe the worst.
And on and on it went. It's a wonder I still have a blog because I was a complete basket case. Now look at the above list again; doesn't this remind you of some people you've interacted with in Facebook groups? People who always seem to be starting drama, calling others names, and getting offended easily.
So, do you think dog people live with anxiety? Is it a coincidence that we love our dogs more than most people? Our dogs don't judge us, bully us, or attack us.
My ACEs score is 5.
How I Got Help for My Anxiety and Depression
Like many people, I still bear the mental scars of my childhood, and reviewing those with a therapist helped me find my triggers and understand why I react the way I do to various scenarios. Once I understood the reason, I no longer needed to react because I realized that the stirred emotions belonged to a scared little girl, not a grown-ass woman.
It took time and patience with myself and a lot of practice to finally stop feeling attacked whenever someone said something rude on the Internet. But I'm only human, and I do have days when I can't take on someone else's misery, and I take a break from Facebook, blogging, and bury myself in a favorite book, movie, or television series – something to cheer me up. I recently discovered Downton Abbey. Wow! It's good!
If you live with anxiety and depression, know that you're not alone and permit yourself to take care of yourself first. I've learned that arguing with strangers online may feel satisfying for a second, but it takes a toll on my mental health. Instead of spending time bickering about things that don't matter, I prefer to spend time with my dogs because our dogs matter; they never make me feel like shit.
Resources for Dog Lovers with Anxiety and Depression
There are many resources that you can find online if you're living with anxiety and depression. I've tried a couple of the online therapy sites but wasn't happy with the process. One resource I found very beneficial was Wellspring, a benefit offered at my day job, which offers therapy. We get three free sessions; my benefits cover additional sessions (I pay a small copay). This is how I initially got into therapy.
It may take some time to find a therapist who is a good fit, but it's worth the wait.
The main plus of Wellspring is the cost. The main downside is that this is a place therapists work before starting their practice, so you may end up going through a few therapists as they move on, which can suck if you have a great relationship with someone.
Speak with your human resources department about Wellspring or visit Wellspring Family Services online.
I agree wholeheartedly. I am a professional pet groomer and I know most of us go into that field because we deal with animals much better than we do with other humans. Most of us also have medical conditions or anxiety that make us that way, or at least contribute to it.
Facebook can be my happy place on a good day, or a huge trigger on a bad one. On goid days, I’ll post a dozen jokes and a million animal pictures. On a bad one, (or more), I’ll disappear completely. But I completely understand what you’re talking about and it’s sort of reassuring that I’m not alone.
There’s so much truth in what you wrote. I hope that you always find happiness and that you share it with those you love and who love you.
Thank you for saying this and sharing your heart. As I was reading it it made me take a step back and consider my own anxiety. I realized that it is affecting my life and relationships more than I realized. The sad part is my pups may be one of my triggers but at the same time a relief and comfort. Mental illness is a crazy beast but I also know personally it doesn’t have to control or define me or my life. Might be time for me to reach out to someone again…
Vulnerable and powerful post here Kimberly, I love it.
Towards the end of 2016 I was diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) & panic disorder.
All in a short period of time I lost my first grandparent, my father almost died a few weeks after, I was starting up Dog Dad Official and so on. Ignoring it eventually got me to a point where I was “pre panic attack” from the moment I opened my eyes to the moment I closed them.
This for me was obviously hard to hear because I’m a guy and I want to be a “tough guy” that can handle anything, be strong, be the “Alpha” / leader for my dogs, etc…
For me the thing that helped the most was admitting it. Before I went to the doctor and got diagnosed I too was a “basket case.” I was fighting with everything in me to prevent a full blown panic attack from setting in while waiting in the doctor’s waiting room.
I still feel that way sometimes but I have been able to successfully prevent panic attacks since then by laser focusing on working hard at what I love.
To summarize, yes I absolutely feel that way sometimes. You aren’t alone. 🙂 I just cuddle Horus and Wolken and kiss Arianne and everything is immediately better because I remember why I’m doing what I’m doing.