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I originally shared my thoughts on racism on June 8, 2020, shortly after the rioting began around the world. After two years of learning a lot about my fellow Americans, our political system, and the media, I'm revisiting my thoughts. Not much has changed, but my eyes have been opened.
Please keep in mind that this was originally posted in June 2020 as you're reading.
The past week has been challenging and I find that it's important that I speak out as a woman of color, as a partner to a retired deputy, and a friend to several men and women in law enforcement.
Do you look around at what's happening in the world and wonder if the Universe is trying to send us a message? We've been so distracted by career goals, money, politics, the media, and everyone else's privilege that we've lost track of family, friendship, kindness, and humanity. So a pandemic came down upon us, forcing us to slow down, stay home, put the safety of others before us, and reconnect with friends and family. While many people took advantage of this time to reflect on their priorities, many others protested.
And then there were the murder hornets.
I feel like they should have scared us, but we laughed and asked “what next?” as if we were dealing with the plagues of the apocalypse. And then racism gave us a swift backhand and said “hey, remember me?” and cities began to burn.
The walls that I placed up to block my blackness in order to fit into a “colorblind” community were torn to the ground. I can't hide my hurt, fear, frustration, and rage anymore.
Do You Really Believe that All Lives Matter to Everyone?
I shared an amazing post by the ladies of CocoTherapy and a few of the first comments I got on that post were “All Lives Matter.” Yes, I agree 1000% that All Lives Matter. However, the actions over the past week (and prior) have shown us that this isn't true for everyone. For one individual to say “All Lives Matter” and think that this is the end of the discussion is naive.
In the past few months, several incidents between African Americans and the police and viral videos of disagreements between black and white individuals that go there have our country shook. And then we learn that our media manipulated the story to maximize and monetize our outrage. And the Black Lives Matters organization has no intention of helping advance the black community.
And because of, in my opinion, those individuals and corporations who are getting rich off of identity politics, the media was silent on the deaths of police officers during these riots. And later, there were a series of attacks on Asian citizens around the country. And black folks got in on some of those attacks. What the hell is happening?
All of this tragedy shows me that while our goal should be to get to a point where our society believes that all lives matter, we're not there yet.
Being a Black Woman in a White Community
While there are many people of color (POC) in the pet lover community, I often feel like one of a few on an island. According to the 2019 US Census, white American's make up 76.5% of the US population. African Americans make up 13.4% (6x less). American Indians make up 1.3%. Asian Americans make up 5.9%. Pacific Islanders make up 0.2%. And Latino Americans make up 18.3% of the US Population. I share this to show that no matter where I go, there is a high chance that I'm going to be the only or one of a few black people. Although I don't fear for my safety, it can sometimes feel uncomfortable when you rarely see someone who looks like you and holds the shared history of being black in America.
So when we find ourselves in a global shift due to outrage, frustration, and sadness, I think many of us experience a coming together of friends and family as we try to find a way to deal, and talk about what we can do better, and ask how we can better support each other. I was stunned by the people who reached out to me to talk about what we could do better, and I was surprised by the people who went radio silent either because they didn't know what to say or because they felt that they couldn't or shouldn't say anything.
If you are in the latter group, please know that your silence is deafening and has been heard. Although I understand the fear of speaking out due to cancel culture, the message you're delivering with your silence may not be what you intend. Sadly, I don't have an answer for you.
This is all so complicated.
When Racism Overshadows Dogs
My Facebook newsfeed is flooded with support for the black community, support for the police, discussions from all sides of the aisle, and people trying to reach out and ask for help or offer support. I've never been this sad in my life, and I live with anxiety and depression. I can't sleep, I don't have an appetite, and I cry every morning and again several times a day. Despite the massive amounts of support I've received from friends and family, I still feel as if there won't be an end to the hate, the rage, and the profound sadness.
I've also had some amazing discussions with friends. I've gained this amazing fountain of acceptance of our differences, and I'm able to talk about my experience as a black woman, listen to someone else's experience, and end a conversation with a higher level of love and respect for the people around me (of all colors). These discussions are exhausting. There have been days of back-to-back phone calls where I talked to my friends through tears as we expressed how sad we were at the state of the world, taking solace in the words, “I see you, I'm here for you, you are not alone.”
Although my dogs are my family and fill my day with laughter and joy – this past week, racism overshadowed dogs, and, in some ways, it was a good thing because these conversations were long overdue.
How to Be Unapologetically Anti-Racist
What does it mean to be unapologetically anti-racist? For of all, I truly despise the term “anti-racist” and, to be honest, many of the new terms created lately. But I'm going with it for now. I Google “Anti-Racist” and learned that it isn't another way to say racist (like people of color is another way to say colored people).
Anti-racist means that you are going to stand strong and tall against racism in all its forms.
Despite what some believe, being anti-racist doesn't mean that we will accuse people with a different perspective of being racist. It doesn't mean that all conservatives, caucasians, and cops are racists. It means that we recognize that we have work to do, and to improve our society, we need to start having some difficult discussions.
But what does this look like?
Many people have reached out to me to ask how they can help, and there are many suggestions on social media. However, the following is what has been helping me this week, and I hope that it gives you some ideas on how you can be supportive of your friends and family who are also POC.
And, by the way, I believe that this list should be applied to the men and women in law enforcement too. Not only are some of them minorities, but all are suffering from a few acts. They recognize that the system needs to change and want to see that change. We need to include them in this conversation and have empathy for what they are experiencing now too. I say this as a partner to a retired deputy and friend to many police officers.
If you are hurting right now, please know that you're not alone.
- Stop Saying All Lives Matter – of course, all lives matter. It immediately shuts down the conversation. Or say “all lives matter” while acknowledging that we have some work to do. Despite the Black Lives Matter organization's questionable acts, black lives matter, and we should understand why some in the black community don't believe their lives are valued. Is it regional? Is it economical? Or is it political manipulation? Let's talk about whatever is happening and include everyone in this discussion.
- Understand that it's okay to see color; what's not okay is to judge someone's character solely based on the color of their skin. I'm kind of over the phrase “I'm colorblind.” Our differences are what make us beautiful and fascinating. Just like screaming “BLACK LIVES MATTER” doesn't prove that you're not racist, saying that you're colorblind isn't efficient evidence. I can't tell you the “anti-racist,” colorblind white people turned around and called me all kinds of racist names if I didn't agree with them.
- Be willing to have respectful discussions, even if you disagree with someone; no one is asking you to change your mind, but you never know who you can impact or who will impact you. I've learned so much about the experiences of others, including that in many cases, if we take race out of it, we have a lot more in common than we realize. It's been a blessing to get to know my friends, family, and neighbors on a new level, making me love our Country even more.
- Don't expect black people to educate you on racism or give you a list of things you can do (despite that this is what I'm doing). I am so over the emails and private messages asking for book and movie lists. I'm happy to talk about it if it's appropriate, but I'm not going to do the work for you. I'm don't email my white friends asking them for a reading list about Henry the Eighth (unless they're an expert in that era).
- Don't expect your friends to want to now talk about racism. Personally, I'm exhausted, and I just want to go for a walk, read a book, or binge a Netflix series. If your friend expresses the same need for downtime, allow them a reprieve and go off topic for an hour. And maybe bring them a small gift. I like chocolate M&Ms with Almonds. They're probably toxic but oh so delicious.
- Make your events more inclusive by inviting qualified POC to present, speak, or join, but don't exclude non-POC. And having a token POC is not the answer – I'd rather not be invited than be invited to fill some quota. I know this is a confusing ASK because I'm telling you to invite me, but not only me, and not because I'm black. A better thing to request is to avoid excluding or overlooking people of color when organizing upcoming events.
- Don't speak for a race if you're not of that race. When you speak for someone without their permission, you are silencing their voice. And you will get it wrong 99% of the time. I see this often when a white person is telling me what their black friends say as if we're a hive mind and all think alike. Everyone is unique.
- Share your feelings on what's happening, even if what you feel is helplessness. We must stop allowing the people profiting off of identity politics to lead the discussion.
- I know many of us are angry; don't expect your POC friends to join you in your rage every day; we're exhausted, and we've been at this a lot longer than a week.
- Remember that if you want to be heard, you have to be willing to hear; we can't hope to have a fruitful conversation if we're steadily interrupting each other.
- Reach out to your friends and family who are minorities and/or in law enforcement and check in – invite them to coffee, to walk the dogs, or just to talk – you don't have to talk about racism; you can just connect – we need to connect because our politicians are working overtime to tear us apart.
- Support everyone's attempt at becoming an ally; yes, it's clumsy at times, but their heart is in the right place, and we need to create safe spaces for these discussions to happen.
- Don't assume that turning your profile picture black or sharing a meme about Black Lives Matter is the beginning and end; we didn't get here overnight, and this won't be resolved overnight.
- Ask more questions – when watching the news reports and when reading social media shares, ask questions to flesh out the truth of each story; we as a society have become very lax and tend to believe headlines too readily.
- If you're a blogger or influencer and there are businesses you support/promote, contact them and respectfully ask them if they plan to put out a statement about their stance on racism. If they won't put out a statement, respect that choice, too – businesses are being crucified right now for not saying something or saying the wrong thing – it's scary.
- Look to your community and see what you can do to help make a positive change for everyone.
- Educate yourself on the issues and vote your heart.
- Support businesses and organizations helping to improve our communities, including small and minority-owned businesses.
- And pray. Pray for your friends, family, community, and the world. Please pray.
And, when you get bored of the topic and find yourself rolling your eyes at one more news story, “woke” movie, and the latest outrage to go viral – know that you're not alone and we need to come together.
Beware of Social Media
Have you noticed the growing necessity to fact-check everything that comes through our social media feeds? I have. When it comes to social media, please do your homework before sharing. It's simple.
Last week, there was a story coming around that claimed profiling. In the video, two police officers are questioning a black man and in the description shared around on Facebook, the police officers were shamed when they realized that the black man was an FBI agent (they found his badge in his wallet). Well, this didn't happen last week, it happened two years ago, and the man was not an FBI agent. I don't know the truth of the story, but I do know that the narrative was changed to rile people up even more. So, before sharing something you see on social media – even an image – double check to make sure that it's real.
The Future of Keep the Tail Wagging
I've pondered over my place in the fresh food community for a long time. I feel like the odd woman out for many reasons. I haven't always felt comfortable speaking out on things, and I've felt pressured to take down blog posts when I did speak up. I don't want to rock the boat, but I also don't want to be the only person with her neck out. But after everything we've seen this past week and thinking back on my concerns, I realize that I wasn't setting my sights high enough.
- I don't believe that there is only one way to feed our dogs because every dog is different.
- I don't want to demonize kibble at every turn because I feel that it alienates so many people.
- I don't think the heavy promotion of supplements is right for our pets.
- I think we should look at traditional and holistic medicine to help raise healthier dogs.
- I don't think it's a good idea to blindly follow anyone in the fresh food community; we should always do our own homework.
- I struggle with the constant bashing of the veterinarian profession.
I have been inspired by people to speak up and speak out, and this is something that I will continue to do using this platform. Keep the Tail Wagging won't become a blog about race relations in America. I will continue to write about my life with dogs and raw feeding. However, I will begin to inject more of myself (my life as a dog mom) into this blog because although we love dogs more than people, this past week has shown me that we need to start loving people too.
