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Years ago, a woman came under fire for stating that being a “dog mom” doesn't make you a mother. I remember being outraged by her article. How DARE she tell me that my love for my dogs doesn't compare to her love for her children – love is love. That article got hundreds of comments from people agreeing and disagreeing with the author. At the time, I immediately dived into my feelings because I felt her article was a judgment on my love for my dogs and didn't consider women who couldn't have children (also me).
Today, my opinion has shifted; I think she had a point. This year, I decided to dive a little deeper into Mother's Day.
What is Mother's Day?
Mother's Day is celebrated annually to honor and appreciate mothers and motherhood. It is observed on the second Sunday in May in many countries, including the United States. The holiday was first celebrated in 1908 in the United States when Anna Jarvis held a memorial for her mother to honor her and all mothers. It has since become a widely celebrated holiday with traditions such as gift-giving, sending cards and flowers, and spending time with loved ones. Mother's Day is a time to recognize and show gratitude for a mother's love, care, and sacrifices for her family.
“Motherhood” mentioned above could include dog moms, but I don't think it does. I think “motherhood” includes mothers who raise children, including foster and adoptive children, and fathers and other family members who took on the role of motherhood due to the loss of the child's mother.
“Mothering” My Dogs Doesn't Make Me a Mom
People often state that having a puppy or young dog is like having a child. They're referring to the sleepless nights, potty training, and a puppy's habit of putting anything in their mouths.
My dogs also come to me for comfort when unsure or startled. Because of these things, I often refer to my dogs as my babies, and I have several “dog mom” mugs, hats, t-shirts, and hoodies; but I don't believe I'm their mother. While my relationship with my dogs may incorporate similar traits as that of a mother and her child, it's not the same. Yes, I'm patient, flexible, encouraging, and loving. I often find myself multi-tasking; I'm hyperaware of my dogs' moods, behavior changes, and stool consistency. And I'm in charge of their care, including feeding them, walking them, managing veterinarian appointments, and organizing play dates.
As a woman, I may have maternal instincts that make caring for a puppy and dog feel like motherhood, but this is actually responsible dog ownership – especially when partnered with understanding and respecting a dog's canine nature. Because although my dogs love me, this doesn't mean they see me as their parent.
“Dog Mom” is a Marketing Gimmick
The origin of the phrase “dog mom” is unclear, as it was likely coined organically by dog owners and pet lovers who identify strongly with their pets and describe themselves as a pet parent or pet mom/dad. However, early “dog mom” usage can be traced back to the 1990s when the term “fur baby” was also popularized. The phrase “dog mom” has since become a widely used term and popularized in popular culture, social media, and marketing campaigns related to the pet industry.
The pet industry quickly caught on to the fact that we love our pets and that by humanizing our pets with terms such as dog mom, dog dad, and pet parent, they could get us to open up our wallets a little faster.
More and more Americans are embracing their pets as part of the family, sparking a boom in businesses catering to the needs and whims of these beloved pets. From fledgling start-ups to major pet retailers, businesses are responding to this trend by offering an incredible range of new products and services, from tasty, human-grade meals to fitness trackers and GPS fencing systems.
With a whopping $123 billion spent on pets alone in 2021 – a 13% increase over the previous year – it's clear that our pets are big business, and the trend shows no signs of slowing down! With 114 million households in the US owning either cats or dogs, it's no wonder that young people are getting in on the action too, with over 32% of millennials and 14% of Gen Z now proud pet owners. The future of the pet industry is bright and boundless!
Ways Dogs Show Us Their Love
With that being said, it's hard not to look in our dogs' eyes or cuddle with them on the sofa and not think of them as our children as they've become our constant companions with more businesses opening their doors to well-behaved dogs. This shift from dogs living outside, to dogs taking up most of our beds is evidence of their change in status in our society. Dogs are family and they love us too.
Animal scientists have discovered what they call the ‘oxytocin-gaze positive loop‘ that occurs when dogs look into their humans' eyes. It's the same loop that helps bond babies to their mothers, and our dogs seem to have “hijacked” it over the past 10,000 years of side-by-side evolution. But wait, there's more! The reward center of a dog's brain also lights up at the smell of their owner, and they will even run to their humans for comfort when spooked. These behavioral signs are unique to dogs and make them truly special companions.
I do not doubt that my dogs love me and see me as an important part of their lives. Dogs show their love for their owners in various ways, including:
- Tail wagging: A happy dog often wags its tail. The faster the wag, the happier the dog may be.
- Licking: Dogs may lick their owners' faces, hands, or feet as a sign of affection.
- Eye contact: Eye contact is a significant sign of trust and affection from a dog.
- Cuddling: Dogs may cuddle up to or lean against their owners to show affection and seek comfort.
- Bringing gifts: Dogs may present owners with their favorite toys or other objects as a sign of affection.
- Following: Dogs love to follow their owners around and be near them whenever possible.
- Excitement upon arrival: Dogs may greet their owners with excitement, wagging their tails, barking, and jumping up in joy upon their return.
The clearest sign that my dogs love me is that I have their trust. They return when I call them; their recall may not be 100%, but I'm happy with the 95% success rate. Sadly, I can't compete with the neighbors (Apollo loves them) or a wild rabbit. And my dogs sleep peacefully, trusting me to keep them safe at their most vulnerable.
And because of my special relationship with my dogs, every day feels like “Dog Mom Day” to me. I don't need to horn in on a day meant to honor the mothers in my life because I refer to myself as “mommy” when talking to my dogs. Like mothers, I have taken on the role of caretaker and guardian, but Motherhood is more. My mother took on the responsibility of turning me into a responsible, respectful, and independent person who could stand on my own. My dogs, on the other hand, will always need me. I work with them on training and building their confidence, but they'll always be dependent on me.
That's the difference. To me, at least.
But, if you disagree – celebrate your Dog-Mom-ness however you see fit. Mother's Day, National Dog Mom's Day, which falls on the day before Mother's Day, or the entire month of May. I plan to take my dogs on a long walk and treat myself to treat – red velvet cupcakes are my jam – on Dog Mom's Day. What are your plans?
Gotta play the game*
What a great piece, Kimberly! I love seeing and hearing both sides to an issue or subject and I understand now how the phrase was coined along that the motivation to call ourselves dog-moms. . Guilty! While raising and keeping pets is parenting on a VERY small scale, I defend my badass dog-mom-ness and feign believable interest in the human mom cause ya gotta okay the game. Bravo!